...i've always been a dreamer...

Currently listening to: Sway - The Perishers


I feel like I've been living consciously in a voluntarily anti-fun, happiness-repelling cage for my state of mind during these past few days. My nights are filled with endless research for my Buyer Behavior essay which is due like THIS FRIDAY, while the rest of those days are basically as hectic, what with all those useless morning-till-noon classes I have to attend.

Once this is done and over with, I still have a Business Stats mini test next Tuesday, another Business Law assignment due in week 8, and a potential Macroeconomics group work somewhere in between before I can finally fly back home with an illusion of temporary peacefulness conquering my heart [and head] for mere three weeks.

Damn, college life is literally sucking the cheerful life out of me.
Can't wait to shrug this burden off my shoulders and celebrate Christmas back home.
As for the waiting pile of hardwork I gotta face straight after Christmas? I'll find a chance to worry about them all then. Not now, please. Got enough to deal with already thanks. *sighs*

This painfully reminds me of the good ol' days (again!! yeah I know this is getting typical) when smiles used to be genuine, hugs used to be warm, and tears used to be shared together to ease the pain and heartache. Cheesy high school problems, cheesy fights, cheesy childishness, cheesy everything. I strangely feel, though yeah this is inevitable and will eventually happen to everybody, that all those traits of adolescence seem to be slowly seeping out of my conscience day after day ever since I moved to Melbourne, and somehow, sometimes I just miss being a kiddo, if you know what I mean.

Sorry for being sappy all of a sudden, anyway.







But I miss them so much. *sobs*

...Well. By the way.
I was talking to Agnes the other day after watching a not-so-IQ-enhancing home movie about dragons and crazy snakes. She commented that my blogposts lately have been less than impressing, content-and-contextually speaking. Well I don't know about that, but I do feel that ever since I came here, I tend to take blogging for granted, using this media only as a way of expressing my current thoughts about random things. Free memory, some would say. I name it randomness. *laughs*

Whaddaya think, guys? =)

But, yeah, thanks a lot for the input, Nez! *grins* Maybe soon I will be able to get back to serious mood and blog about more important stuff. Soon. After the zillion stuff that I need to take care of are done and over with. Soon. VERY soon. *sighs*

Alright then I guess I should stop here. Wish me luck, 'kay? I kinda need lots and lots of luck to be able to finish this frikkin' essay and come out of this mess alive. Trust me. I need your prayers.
Have a great week guys!! =)

...sunday morning blabbering...

Oh my God.

Like, seriously. Time for a confession.
Who the hell has been using the Internet connection in my house SO DAMN F**KIN' MUCH that the quota has been exceeded AGAIN this month??

I mean, D-DUH! I don't know what else to do to prevent this thing from happening.
The quota was upgraded, the network was password-secured, the usage [well individually-speaking, meaning my usage, of course] was so carefully watched that I obliged myself not to do any big downloads anymore except for a little bit of Youtube now, yet just now I checked the usage rate and the red-and-blue graphs evidently showed that the quota has been EXCEEDED. Again.

And I was like WHAT IN THE WORLD??

Since the network is now password-protected, logically no one will be able to steal the connection and use it, right? Or am I actually neighboring some freaky self-obsessed wireless-network-hacking nerd who just can't get enough with breaking through people's network and stealing the quota for themselves?

I'm really, REALLY sure that the people in my house didn't use the Internet THAT much.
I mean, after three consecutive months of this problem rising, we should've all known better, right? It's not like we're all super retarded too ignorant to care or whatever. We NEED this connection to work properly, okay. Like, school stuff, anyone?

Huff. This is like super weird. SUPER SUPER WEIRD.
I can't describe just how pissed I am now.

So, hey y'all. Anybody. Who's been using the wireless connection of 54 Koonawarra St illegally, please kindly come to your senses and spare us some compassion. Please?

Don't steal. I don't know how you guys do this, but if you ARE stealing, please please please STOP RIGHT NOW. It's a crime.

Seriously, find something else more decent and fruitful, and future-brightening to do to color your plain gray lives. It's not like being a nerd, an anti-social, and an Internet-quota-stealer, helps you in ANY way in real life.

Agreed?
*sighs*

Oh well. Enough with the cursing and yelling, JJ.
I guess I'll have to resort to slow web civilization for at least another week.

Lates.

...please have snow...

Currently listening to: I'll Be Home For Christmas - Michael Buble


I'm strangely not in the mood to do ANYTHING right now.
Been browsing, Friendster-ing, Facebook-ing, yawning, texting, chatting, even musicplayer-ing this past hour aimlessly, not knowing what to do to kill this time.

I was chatting with Arlene yesterday, through the magic wonders of Windows Live Messenger as usual, talking about random things goofing around every now and then, when she suddenly mentioned that she came across one of my old poems which were all posted here in this blog during my so-called Great Personal Depression. Ring any bells, anyone?

For those people who have been reading this blog since years and years ago, you will all know that I originally wrote all my posts in Indonesian, and that at one point in my life I once experienced a period of trauma during which I stopped blogging and let my melancholy-side alter-ego take over. Hence the poems, and the extreme corniness of youthful supposed-to-be-poetic sonatas.

This is why I really, REALLY love this blog, you know. After more than three years of writing, with extreme ups-and-downs in between, I am able to realize just how my life has directed me through such a long, winding road to happiness. Or rather, how I have directed my life all these years to be able to turn out this way.

And when I look back and read through those painful poems, I am thankful that I was given the chance to get through that devastating moments of hardships. Those hurtful days taught me a lot of valuable lessons the hard way, making them sink in and stay. Then I know that I am so over that. And that I am happy now, and amazed, and grateful, thanks to those precious fragments of my past I will always treasure.

Wanna read those poems? Kindly click here.
Only Indonesian-speaking people will be able to understand what those poems are saying, though. Non-Indo ppl are also welcome to peek anyways! Hahahahaha. =D

By the way.
There was a huge spider in my house last night. Huge as in, HUGE. Like, REAL HUGE.

Andrew was brave enough to have got the guts to trap the spider inside a dustbin and cover it with his lecture notes [go figure, right? lecture notes vs huge spider *laughs*]. Then he texted our landlord, and this morning that spider was killed the traditional way. Well you know what I mean; a killing that involves stomping, a lot of cringes, and shoes. *laughs*

But, yeah. No kidding.
Just now Andrew gave me this Wikipedia link about that nasty spider, and I was like WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!

Turns out the spider was VENOMOUS. And not just venomous, but like totally, lethally poisonous.
I wonder where it came from, and how it ended up resting on the living room wall.
Read the article yourself, if you please. I'm terrified enough just typing this sh*t.

I can't help feeling this house is full of frikkin' useless BUGS. Omigosh.
Somebody help. *sobs*

I HATE HATE HATE HATE SUMMER INSECTS.

...about winter-sick...

Huff.
Sometimes I wish I could just make an appointment with Mother Earth and propose the idea of switching this wacky-tacky-all-upside-down climate state of dear Australia.

Was just watching HappySlip's latest Youtube video a couple of minutes ago. She was talking about Thanksgiving, which is like TOMORROW. For those who don't know, Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on November 22 in the States this year; from what I've known, the date changes every now and then. But, yeah. The point is that the holiday season is approaching fast in America. While down here, everything seems quite common, at least for the time being. Hotness and sunny days all over. Well except for that huge christmas-tree-looking thing in front of the Westin Hotel in the city area, of course. And Bourke Street. But that's about it.

I have never longed for a cold-and-freezing Christmas THIS badly my whole life. *sighs*

Oh yeah. Back to Thanksgiving.
Too bad Aussies don't have this kind of celebration. Or do they? I'm not sure, and honestly, I don't wanna know either. I mean, it's gonna look really ridiculous, don't you think, celebrating Thanksgiving in the middle of this funny HOT weather? With all the turkeys and hot food and all that. But then again I should just stop whining, who knows they do things differently here. My bad for being such a silly Americanized obsessive prat. But sometimes I still regret my decision for not continuing my study in the States. *sighs*

Well anyways.
It's been really rainy today. From the moment I woke up up till this point, the rain hasn't stopped pouring. Beautiful! The atmosphere has been FANTASTIC; these bits and pieces of rain feels like total heaven, after a few days of extreme dryness. I hope the drizzle stays for at least another week or so. This kind of peaceful soothing weather keeps my good mood in check. *laughs*

Hence the Mother-Earth-appointment-wish thingy I mentioned above.
I know it's just silly, but I can't help cursing the fact that the climate is all reversed here.
No white Christmas. No snow. No peace. No fireplace.

Reminds me of my happy childhood, when I used to travel to different countries during Christmas and celebrate the cold holiday season there. London. Paris. San Francisco. Even Beijing. I just wish Melbourne could have the same winter-y ambiance at this time of the year. *sighs*

Thank God I won't be here during Christmas, though. At least J-Town's humidity is still bearable, and it's gonna get all familiarly Christmas-y back home since I'll be celebrating with loved ones!! *grins*

Okay then. I guess I'll hop in the shower and get ready for the afternoon class now.
VIP Night is on at Chadstone, people! Talk about extreme shopping free, now. *laughs*

Alright then take care all! *hugs*

...and now i'm ready...

Currently listening to: Extraordinary - Mandy Moore


It has been a very tough, scorching hot day. *wipes sweat off forehead*

I'm practically MELTING now. As in a hot-hot-hot-i-need-a-frikkin'-cooler melting sort of way. Hell it was like 35 degrees *gasp!* this afternoon, and the sun was literally burning UV-powered holes through my shirt; even my sunnies weren't that much of a help. And the FLIES! Gash. I've never been a big fan of insects, but this is like waaaaaaaaaaaaayy beyond my poor insect-phobia expectations.

Thank God somebody had happened to be smart enough to have invented this crazy little thing of a savior called the sunscreen lotion.
But still. Keep this up for another month and I'll be having rashes and probably premature skin cancer all over my body.

Omigod. How horrific is that? *sighs*

Anyways.
Slackoff-mode on, studyfreak-mode VERY off for me now, at least until Wednesday's VIP night. A guy deserves his own relaxing time. For the time being.

24 days before J-Town! I'm soooooo DAMN excited! *jumps around*
G'day g'day mates! *winks*

...about gratitude...

Another Sunday. Another wake-up-call. Another morning. Another drama.

A HUGE streak of gratitude is sweeping upon me as I'm typing this post.
Yesterday was a BLAST! "The Christmas Show" was fantastic. Thumbs up for the extraordinary people of IFGF Melbourne for putting up such an amazing show! *grins* I have never seen such amazing teamwork and support my whole life, honestly.

And I can't be any more thankful than I already am, having been given the opportunity to give what I can and sing in the show. It wasn't my doing; it was HIS own doing altogether. Thank you so much for all the support, the pat-on-the-backs, the smiles, the hugs, and the praises everybody's been giving me *blushes*. You all made my day, truly, and I'm really glad to be here, grateful and grinning, among you guys. *smiles sincerely*

Photos coming up soon, btw. Hahahaha.

Well now that the happy part is over, let's get back to real life, shall we?
My assignments have technically been abandoned these past few days. Gotta start working on them once again now, I guess, since two of them are due like TOMORROW MORNING.

Gosh. What am I doing here blogging anyways when I should've been reading stuff about negligence? *sighs* Oh well. Someone save me.

I miss my friends. I miss Clayton ppl. I miss iCare. I miss goofing around in our lovely markas a.k.a Stockdale house.

And, last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU!! *hugs*
Well you know who you are. Lm.

...about the week...

I'M TIRED. I'M EMOTIONAL. STAY AWAY; MAYBE I DO BITE.


Gash.
My days have been so full of endless activities lately. Places to go, stuff to take care of, things to do, people to talk to. You know, the list goes on. I've barely had time to even breathe.

Just finished yet another day of mentoring for the new MUELC intake this afternoon. Got to meet new people, meet new helpers, assist with enrolling, yada yada yada. Well not that I'm complaining here; I actually do enjoy being a mentor. But maybe today is not a very good time to flash my pearly whites to everybody in reach and act all good-guy-good-mentor-good-Asian for like the WHOLE day. And the weather wasn't helping at all; the sunniness is killing me by the minute.

Premature skin cancer, anybody? *sighs*
As much as I love the city and the suburbs and the people and everything else that comes along with where I am now, I hate this frikkin' HOT Melbourne Summer to the deepest part of my heart. Bummer bummer.

David and MelMel have just left Melbourne for home; they're gonna be away for at least two and a half months. Good for them, I guess. *sighs* Yet I can't imagine how desperate and lonely my life in Melbourne's gonna be all Summer, what with close friends away and assignments piling and skin burning and exams coming. Yet another reason for me to resent this time of the year.

I still got a Business Stats assignments which is due TOMORROW. Add up another two equally-annoying assignments for Law and Macroecons which are due NEXT MONDAY. Still gotta practice hard for my upcoming performance this SATURDAY. And God, I haven't been feeling as if I am constantly running out of time ever since I left school.

I need more hours. I need more sleep. I need miracles. I need shades. I need HELP.

Ah, whatever.
Guess now I'm just gonna hop in bed, close my eyes, and pretend like I've got nothing to do till like next year or something.

Takecare people. *sobs*

...sundaylicious...

Gash. This hot weather is driving me crazy.
It's like, one moment the air is calm and the winds are all breezy and stuff. Fast forward a couple minutes, and your senses are in overdrive and your skin is burning. Damn cancer-causing over-tan-shading UV. *sighs*

Was just skimming through the weather forecast for next week, and from those sets of usually-accurate numbers I can painfully conclude that I'm in for a rough road. Hot-and-sizzling-weatherly speaking, of course. Sunnies on, short-sleeves out now.

By the way.
My first ever major singing gig in Melbourne will be happening next Saturday, November 17. I'm gonna be singing a song in a major event publicly-known as "The Christmas Show", held by IFGF GISI Melbourne. I'm gonna be singing "The Christmas Song", acoustic-style, and even now I'm starting to get cold-feet.

This is soooooooooooooo out of my comfort zone. Singing in public, abroad, in front of a wholly different audience. Australians, especially. Well I know the audience will most probably be a mixture of Indonesians and Australians, but still. I haven't grasped the vibe, haven't tried the venue, haven't checked out the field. I hope I will be able to familiarize myself with the surroundings before the event. *rolls eyes hopefully*

Yeah I know, you guys are probably thinking that it's a bit [you know, a LOT] too early for a merry Christmas celebration. That's what I originally thought as well. But after all, since everybody is going back home for Christmas, I knew that they chose the date to facilitate the needs of the many. So people can both celebrate with friends and go home peacefully.

Well not that it matters to me either way, since I'm gonna be staying here all Summer. *sighs* Let's just hope that I don't dehydrate and over-perspire myself to death in the process.

Anyways. Wish me luck guys!
Practices will be held throughout this week. I'm soooooo excited!
Finally, a chance to once again do the one single thing I love the most: singing! Yay! *laughs*

I'm giving my best. Let HIM do the rest.

Have a FABULOUS week, everyone! *hugs*

...take my hand...

Currently listening to: Good Girl Gone Bad - Rihanna


Ah, nice.
I had just finished my occasional stretch-out-in-front-of-laptop ritual plus a little bit of adorable yawning *winks* some couple of minutes ago, then took my time to look at my desktop's signature barcode clock, and immediately realized that it was almost two in the morning right about NOW.

The sky is clear outside, and the stars are all beautifully scattered like glimmering gems in the middle of gloomy nothingness. Haven't I mentioned that stargazing, in a romantic sense, makes me a terrible softie? *sighs* Wrong time, wrong place. Slap me please.

Aaaaaanyways.
Got nothing to do in this soon-to-be wee small hours of the morning, and since my biological clock is now basically all fucked-up up due to this freaky no-sleep syndrome that just won't go away, why don't I blog for a change? *winks* After all, midnight randomness sounds eerily familiar, not to mention fun, somehow.

I have now officially put "Blackout" to rest back on the rack, at least temporarily. Rihanna's "Good Girl Gone Bad" is playlist for this weekend. Thanks to Rex for kindly sharing the amazing '3 for $40' offer! *laughs*

And speaking of him, he's probably already back in J-Town by now.
I hope the first thing that greets him when he touched down is not the heat, the humidity, the pollution, not even the annoying airport officials whom you just wanna mess up with happily. No. I hope the new-and-improved traffic congestion says hello to him first. *laughs devilishly*
No no no Rex, I'm joking alright. Kinda. *slaps myself*

Sylv has just come out with her random-playlist music analysis. Should I come up with my own list? *winks* Been wanting to do that for ages but didn't have the right moment to do so. Well maybe later.

These painful sleepless nights are already eating up the sober part of my conscience.
Sugar, coffee, and Eclipse are the three main factors which contribute to me being able to stay awake for most of the day. The rest is just willingness, and a little bit of sense. *sighs desperately*

Can somebody tell me how to regain the attractiveness of my pillows and revive the welcoming aura of my blanket?

And by the way, where am I going with this post?

I'm sure I have just taken the word 'randomness' to a whole new meaning.
Now I sound like an awfully drunk perv.
Maybe I should stop before anybody gets me wrong and has the chance to sue me for an act of negligent misstatement.

Have a great weekend. *scratches head*

...congratulations...

SMUKIEZ CHOIR HAS JUST WON A SILVER DIPLOMA IN THE 1ST ASIAN CHOIR GAMES 2007!!

*claps furiously*

No words can describe just how PROUD I am of them all.
I miss singing with them. I miss having fun with them. I terribly miss being one of them.

Been listening to some old recordings of our past performances; those songs brought tears to my eyes as I sat and listened. Memories unwound, moments flashed back. Can't believe that treasured years have gone by so quickly.

Oh well.
Congratulations, guys!!
You know you deserve this achievement. Strive for greatness, and never stop fighting! Singing is a priceless gift; make the most out of it to please HIM solely.

Forever you guys are always the BEST!!!
*hugs*

...never leave me alone...

Just finished watching the clip of Spice Girls' brand new music video for their comeback single titled "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)". It's weird, actually, realizing that it has been years since they parted ways and shocked the world with their sudden unanticipated farewell. Well I have never been a huge fan of them, yet I grew up in the 90's, so yeah. It was kinda unavoidable, really. *grins*



Err, honestly, I kinda like the song. A typical SpiceGirl-ish ballad, and the chorus is just simply catchy. The video itself is not much of an achievement, though, despite its supposedly high budget; looks like as though the girls are individually trying to make themselves stand out from the others, what with all those posing and show-offs and close-ups and stuff. Well not that I can complain anyway. They're GREAT as a group, no doubt about that. Yet after so many years apart their big egos can clash at times. Totally understandable.

And it's just unbelievable to see all five with their new looks. No longer sporting cheesy outfits and exhibiting the notorious "Girl Power" attitude, they're all grown-up women now. It suddenly feels like their reunion is just a chance to get together for one final time and reminisce about the good ol' days.

Will they be visiting Melbourne in their world tour? Guess not. *sighs*

In the meantime, if you guys wanna watch the video, please click here.

"...Let’s make the headlines, loud and true
I wanna tell the world I’m giving it all to you
Let’s make the headlines, loud and clear
The best things suddenly happen when you are here...
And if I lost my way you’d carry me home
Take me all the way to heaven, never leave me alone
And it’s just like everything matters when you are near..."


Oh no. I'm starting to get all nostalgic now.
Whatever. Happy weekend guys!! *winks*

...expectations...

Blackout-craze day five. Finally managed to get the three Japanese bonus tracks which pitifully didn't make it to the worldwide tracklisting of the album. *jumps around happily*

Was talking to MelMel about various accents and abroad-born Asians while waiting for the 703 bus at Clayton Road bus stop, and realized that I don't sound like I did anymore when speaking English. This is not the first time anybody makes an effort to point this out to me; Adeline once mentioned that I change tones when speaking with different people with different backgrounds and, of course, different accents. *shakes head*

Well, ever since I moved to Melbourne, I feel like I'm losing control of my otherwise-decent American accent.. Mainly because the locals here speak with a completely different tone and dialect, with different emphasis on vowels and sounds and what-have-you, and at some point I start to adapt and thus my verbal abilities are affected. *sighs*

Well yeah I still speak with my old comfy accent anyhow, but now I need to put some effort into being able to match and pronounce words correctly, sometimes resulting in me clumsily mixing up different accents and pronunciations all in one sentence due to confusion. And I am always prone to outside influences, so yeah. I guess that explains all.

Anyways. Backing off from my stream of random thoughts...
Should I start counting down the days towards going home?

Everybody else is now doing that in their MSN nicks, and being the unforgivably un-creative and peer-pressure-sensitive human being that I am, I am tempted to go with the flow and start my own count. *sighs*

Honestly, yes I am sooooooooooo looking forward to going back home. But I also believe that the more I incline myself to look forward to it and the more I anticipate by counting down the remaining days left till ta-dah! you're home, the more agitated I will be, and most probably that will then shift my focus. Instead of making the best use of my remaining 2007 moments here in Melbourne, I will probably slack off and waste my time in order to inevitably speed up the process and rush back to J-Town.

So, yeah.
After second thoughts, thanks but no thanks. I'll just let everything flow as they will and hopefully I can still go home in time happily, counting-free! *smiles*

I'm never best in numbers after all, so that shouldn't be much of a problem.

The dinner is ON tomorrow night! Gotta prepare early, I guess. Hahahaha. *winks*

All the best for you guys Uni ppl with your exams! Am crossing my fingers endlessly now, wishing the best of luck for y'all. *grins*