...'cause i like being submerged in your contradictions...

Well, hello there, extreme moodswings.
Was just beginning to wonder where the bloody hell you'd been.

*shakes head*

The air is frigid, and the night is cold. My thoughts are scattered all over the place, so are my feelings. I feel like I'm slowly losing my grip. My iTunes totally defies me; Jason Mraz's "A Beautiful Mess" is quietly playing and right now I feel like crying.

Heck.
I have absolutely no freaking idea why this is happening.

No, actually scratch that. I do know exactly why my emotions are all wishy-washy and my head feels like it's gonna explode and pollute the air with colorful streamers and dead butterflies any minute. Classic stuff, really. The conscience's just tired.

Any Freudian fanatic would oh-so-breathlessly conclude that my untamed, psychedelic id is probably just acting out, and with the know-it-all superego on subconscious-realm-level leave, the far-too-overworked ego is, well, too overworked to be able to maintain the balance.
If anything, the old man's got a point. Eerily enough. No wonder Jung decided to stray.

But yeah. Spare me your psyche-in-distress babble and let me ramble on.
*clears throat*

True, this isn't the first time my emotional sanity suddenly decided out of nowhere to spark up some trouble and start going downhill without even the slightest bit of forewarning. Last time it happened I spent nights and nights wide awake, tossing and turning in my bed, my bleary eyes weary and my mind racing with a million thoughts. It was months ago. So why come back now?

Now the idea of pulling a pre-Circus Britney Spears and succumbing headfirst into a downward spiral of emotional turmoil seems almost as tempting as tucking into a hearty bowl of creamy caramel-crusted vanilla ice-cream in the middle of the night. My moodswings are way out of control, and my whole body is aching with all the obvious symptoms of physical unhealthiness; I've been subconsciously bingeing on food and coffee these past couple of days so I'd guess that's where the uneasiness must come from.

Don't judge. Don't ask why.
And please fix that pretentious stare someplace else thank you very much.

They say "when life gives you limes, catch them and make lemonade", or something along those lines. I've never been a dear whenever it comes to cheesy quotes and the like. But what I'm wondering is this: what if you get so sick and tired of catching soaring fruits above your head that after a while you just don't have the power to squeeze the juices out of those cute little yellow sour prodigies let alone serve them in fancy crystal glasses complete with ice-cubes and one of those random cocktail-umbrella-decoration thingmabobs?

Sometimes I get so tired I just wanna switch myself off for a while.
Somebody give me a red-buttoned tail soon, please.
If Doraemon can have one handy why can't I?

*sighs*

I'm assuming that since you guys are still sticking around after all these years, by now you must have grown into repositioning my insensible thoughts and unparalleled random nonsense within your range of tolerance.
A lot of nonsensical things make sense in my head, especially in trying times like this, personally-speaking. So bear with me.

And those little things that reality still has yet to deprive me of; warm, well-earned hugs, entertaining late-night phone calls with loved ones, sweet messages, unexpected surprises, and a warm cup of chamomile tea...? Please don't take them away from me.

Heaven knows what this miserable mess would be without them.


*kneels down and prays*


...Lord, help me.