...everytime you see me what do you see?...

Currently listening to: U Make Me Wanna - Blue


I feel like swearing, honestly.
But I'll try to make this post as moderately PG-13 as possible.

Today was freezing. So frikkin' cold that my exhaled outtakes of breaths left apparent traces of air vapor as I braved the night outside when walking home from the bus loop. As much as I enjoy having Winter once again alive and frosting all around me, I have to admit that today I wasn't particularly prepared for the twilight strikes of extreme cold. *shivers*

So, if today you've happened to come across this big fat dumb brown-jacketed piano-scarfed adidas-bagged obese bunch of a loser making his way all around Melbourne looking like he was feeling sorry for himself, please do show some mercy and just laugh a little for me. That would spare me enough integrity that I will need to get through at the end of the day.

I don't even know why now I even bother sitting here typing away, making silly fun of myself as I rant my troubles away acting like I don't really care.
Oh well.

My room has been irrevocably warm these last couple of hours, even though I've been trying to let go of some of the excess heat by sliding my windows wide open. Perfectly suitable for a freezing Winter night like this, but not okay for my wounded soul.

Seems like I'm currently on a rage against all sorts of positivity.
Traumatized? Definitely. Over-dramatic? Perhaps, just a little bit.

The only form of noise disrupting the bitter silence is my iTunes playing old track by old track sung nostalgically by Blue. For the record, Lee Ryan rocks my world, I tell you. His voice is like fucken amazing. *blinks*
My mind flashes back to those memories of youth; of how I was crazy, and naughty, and blindly happy, with daily life soundtracks revolving around cheesy boybands and bubblegum popstars. Just being the person I was, feeling as if I owned the world with all its treasures.

Why do I feel that I don't deserve such feelings of blind happiness anymore?
Like, now I know that everything comes with a price. And that you can't put your trust too much on something, or someone, 'cuz I'm bloody damn sure in the end you're just gonna end up as the one getting hurt.

Welcome to the real world, they say. And I've gladly let myself in.

I've promised myself not to be fooled by all that are superficial. I will protect my heart, and I will choose not to love initially. Because I know, some people just don't deserve to be loved.

I swear I ain't gonna waste my precious time and energy crying over spilled milk. The spots are wiped off clean, the stains are all washed out; now it's time for me to start over, braver, smarter, and stronger than before.

And I wish, I sincerely wish, that tomorrow's Winter fog will be able to cheer me up.
A little bit of selfish pampering won't hurt.

Have a good night, people.