...if you want to view paradise...

Currently listening to: Pure Imagination - Carl Riseley


I was desperately in need to blog but a moment after I face myself with this usual white-and-grey box of black spaces patiently waiting to be typed upon, my mind goes blank. I took a pause and focused my bitterness to THAT annoyingly ever-present blinking cursor flickering at the corner, trying to convince myself that getting immersed in all this crazy mess is solely its fault alone.

After all, innocence kills, they tell you. And now I'm basking in the thought that at least tomorrow will be much less frightening if I can just scrap off the little bit of blind foolishness and submission that I have in me and start looking up forward with conviction and pride.

What's worse, I'm feeling a bit light-headed now. Perhaps I've just had a little too much champagne for the night. I was just feeling festive and somehow got the urge to celebrate the occasion the old-fashioned, grown-up way. Drink up, drink up, drink up.

It's funny, really, how time and sharply declining frequency can subconsciously erode my drinking capacity, not that this is actually something worth getting stressed out about. It may now be a little harder for me to stay sober after a long-long night, but that's about it. I guess my liver and kidneys should be doing their winning dance of salvation by now.

Yet I'm really grateful that the very one problem that's been bugging me all week long is now solved, or at least settled. It took me more than courage and logic to finally start the life-defining conversation. It cost me my integrity, my crumbling walls of defense, and my idealistic excuse of a supposedly mature guy with a clear head and an indifferent heart.

Maybe I just miss you more, much much more than I thought I would be.
And your sincere tears just now made me realize this one thing. That I wasn't betrayed, or disregarded, or left to fight alone. I wasn't neglected. I wasn't put far behind.

I realized that it all happened because I was deeply cared about.
And that you were just as sad and afraid to bravely be able to let me go.

Now I promise you. I promise myself. That I won't be too far away.
I won't be around, at least for a while. But you know that I will always be one message away. One phonecall away. One on-foot-trip away. One knock-on-the-door away.
Whatever you like.

Thank you very much for all the memories. For all the great things, great moments we've shared together.
The term 'best friend' really understates you. Yet forgive this childish, inarticulate self-centered bastard for having given you all this pain you've had to endure.

One thing's for certain, and I know this much is true.
You will still be the one little miss sunshine I will always think and care about.

Forgive me...?




...Oh well.
Goodnight, people.