…a pool of thoughts on a Sunday…

The first half of the exam week's over!! Yay!!!!
Hahahaha, alright alright, maybe I'm a little bit overreacting about this. Phew. Can't believe I still got three more days to go… Seneng banget, akhirnya bisa nyantai lagi sebentar sebelom nanti bakal kerja keras lagi buat tiga hari yang kesisa. Yah, walaupun Ulangan Umum Matematika gue dengan gilang gemilangnya berhasil ngedapetin Remedial [hahaha], tapi tetep aja gue ngerasa seneng. Banyak banget hal-hal indah yang udah gue alamin seminggu ini, and I am really thankful because of it, truly…
Anyway, HIYA GUYS!! Wow, it's been a week since my last post, and I feel sooooooooooooooo bad that I couldn't even spend some time to drop by and post something during the exam week… yah, maklum larr, exam geto lowh! Hahaha… so sorry lorr…
Nah, jadi sekarang cuma sekedar mau cerita-cerita sedikit dulu neh… so many things have happened to me throughout this laborious week, in the middle of those what-you-call-disaster set of mind-blowing exams… Some are good, some are bad, some are romantic [Whohooo!! ^^] and some are even laughable! Hahaha… can't stop feeling grateful about all those things… okay, here it goes…
Firstly, I met someone at friendster, who mysteriously appeared in my friend request list. Well I thought this guy was like one of those coming-from-nowhere users who wanted to add me out of nothing like what has happened so many times ever since I joined this crazy network, so as usual I clicked on the approve button without thinking. But then, out of curiosity ONLY [and I solemnly swear this is true], before the window finished loaning my approval, I clicked on the user just to check him out for a while. You know what, guys, when I had finished reading his profile and was busily scrutinizing my memory for some kind of a recollection since I somehow found something weirdly familiar with this guy, I finally recognized him as my long-lost best friend in kindergarten!! Hahahaha… unexpected, yeah? Betapa dunia ini begitu sempit… and thanks to friendster who makes this possible! Wow… I was like so shocked when this cute little brain of mine [ahem!] finally acknowledged him as, HIROSHI.
Ring a bell, anyone?
Well, in short, Hiroshi was my neighbor when I was still an irresistibly adorable toddler [yeah yeah right]. I used to play around with him very often; you know, those sorts of sweet little things cute toddlers usually do when they play together. There were three of us; myself, this Hiroshi, and another guy named An-An who until now is still my very best of friends. We shared our toys, shared the best moments of our kindergarten life, and all those precious moments were suddenly cut off from us when he moved to some certain country I didn’t remember, perhaps Singapore. I haven’t been in contact with him ever since. And life goes on for another ten years before finally he showed up in front of my face once again, this time with a whole-brand-new package. The sweet little buddy I used to horse around with has changed into a gangsta!! I mean, wow, how fuckin' KEWL is that?!
Yah, gitu deh pokoknya. So to Hirro, if you're reading this [which I greatly doubt you are], hey bro!! So nice to hear from you again… How's life going? Memories are memories, thanks for recognizing me first… Hahaha… you rock man…
Then, in the middle of this exam week as well, I got a chance to meet my someone special a couple of times, and to my thorough thankfulness we talked a lot. Uhm, honestly, somehow I feel like my someone special is pulling away from me. The one who used to always be the very sweet one is gone now, digantiin sama seorang yang rada dingin, rada cuek, rada jahat even though masih perhatian juga sih… Hehehe… Yah, jadi intinya dia berubah. Banget. Even kayak hal-hal kecil yang dulu dia perhatiin banget aja udah nggak diinget lagi sama dia sekarang. Gue udah kayak ngobrol sama seseorang yang sertengah lupa ingatan. Ah, nggak tau apa dianya yang udah bete sama gue atau emang masih belum siap buat ngomong terbuka lagi sama gue…
Jujur gue masih sayang banget sama dia. Banget banget banget. If I could turn back time, I'd do my best to prevent that crazy incident from happening, the one which caused us to break up at that time. It was very ridiculous, you know, when you think about it. Putus cuma gara-gara ego. Phew. Something that's supposed to be the one thing the two of us should learn to accept could actually set us apart. Gue aja masih suka ngerasa nyesel banget kenapa waktu itu bisa kejadian kayak gitu.
To my someone special, wherever you are, I just wanted you to know that my feeling will never change… And that I'll still be waiting for you to open your heart once again for me, whenever it will be… I miss you so much…
Teruuuss… last Saturday [yang which is Sabtu kemaren] gue juga sempet hang-out sama dua orang temen lama gue yang udah rada lama nggak hang-out bareng gue, An-An en Regina… Sempet maen bowling plus ketawa gila-gilaan trus maen billyard trus jalan-jalan gitu sama mereka, yah, you know, usual stuff, hal-hal asik yang emang dulu sering banget gue lakuin sama mereka… Dan gue seneng banget bisa barengan lagi sama mereka kayak gitu. Sumpah, gue kangen banget sama mereka, dan momen-momen kemaren tuh bener-bener ngilangin kekangenan gue sama merea!! Udah kayak reunian tiga sahabat yang kayak udah berapa taon nggak ketemu gitu… Hahaha… Asik banget deh, pokoknya…
Dan ada satu hal lain yang gue dapetin dari kemaren; gue juga jadi nyadar kalo kita bertiga udah tambah dewasa… Yeah, like, I grew up with them, I spent nearly all my life growing up with them, I saw them grow up together with me, we've always been together, dealing with all our difiulcties hand-in-hand, and well, as I look back and remember all he things we've been through, I think yes, we really have matured. An-An yang dulu cuma bisa seneng-seneng gila-gilaan en maen basket till drop doang sekarang malah udah punya rencana mateng mau jadi apa nantinya abis lulus sekolah, bahkan udah bisa berenti hepi-hepi en mulai care sama lingkungannya… Doi mulai ngeganti kaos kutang basket nomor 7 kesayangannya sama baju kemeja, celana panjang, even sama jas en dasi [remember the wedding ceremony we attended together? ^^]… dan Regina yang dulunya gahar plus tomboi abis itu sekarang udah jadi tambah kalem, jadi rajin, en yah pokoknya jadi keliatan tambah mateng gitu… Dan apa yang bikin gue tambah kayak ngerasa JEDERR gitu tuh pas mereka bilang ke gue kalo gue juga berubah banget. Dulu gue kayak yang beneran childish gitu katanya, suka manja en cenderung mau seneng-seneng doang, tapi sekarang gue keliatan udah mulai ngeliat hidup dari sudut pandang yang beda. Yah, emang apa yang mereka bilang itu ada benernya sih… I also realize that I've been wasting so much time for having fun in my life, instead of using them for something more worthy… Dan sekarang, semenjak gue masuk Smukie, gue pelan-pelan mulai belajar menghargai waktu, menghargai apa yang udah diberikan ke gue, dan lebih careful dalam bertindak… Weh, jadi sok dewasa nih.. Hehe… tapi beneran… maybe this is what they were trying to tell me…
Waaaahh, jadi mellow jellow gini nulisnya… Hehehe… yah, pokoknya, An-An en Regina, my two best friends, my two soulmates, thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for the hang-out session last Saturday!! I treasure those moments, you know… Thanks for still being the best of friends to me, and for accepting me for who I am… Luv you guys so much!! ^^
To JANE, my long-lost big sis, I MISS YOU!! Skali-skali telpon ke sini dong… Soalnya kalo lewat friendster itu gue udah jarang buka… Hehehe… Can’t wait to see you back in J-Town once again…
To Dannii, sombong banget sih lo?!?! Hahahaha… Wassup bro?
And finally, I'd like to say thanks to everybody who, directly or not, has contributed something special to me that could cheer me up amongst all the exam pressure we're all suffering from right now… Thanks a lot, guys! You don’t know how much your smiles mean to me… You guys rock!!
So that concludes my post for today. This week has been an amazing week for me, and I hope that next week will be even better. Amiiiiiiinn. Hahahahaha. Luv yah.

--balthazor66

…my sunday morning fever…

Right. Before I start writing, I wanna include a very beautiful verse of an everlasting song that has got me going yesterday… Dunno why, but this crazily amazing song has been very comfoting to me this past two days. Right, here it goes:

"Say it's true
There's nothing like me and you
I'm not alone
Tell me you feel it too
And I would run away
I would run away, yeah
I would run away
I would run away, with you…
Because I, yeah
I'm falling in love, with you
No, never, never
I'm never gonna stop falling in love, with you…"

Now can you guess which song was that?
Actually, it's "Runaway" from my very own favorite band The Corrs. Beauitful verse, isn’t it? And oh, what an AMAZING voice Andrea sang in the song… phew… I'm melting down already… hahaaha ^^
Alright, enough with all this useless nonsense, let’s get straight to the point now.
Yesterday, as I had told you guys, I did the recording thing once again, and, to tell you the truth, it was--well, EXHAUSTING. I mean like we did only ONE bloody song all day long, and the song was so--so LETHAL (pardon my language, haha ^^) that by the time I went out of the recording studio, I felt as if even the last drop of my energy had been depleted to the bones. LITERALLY. And one of the Tenors was absent (Helloooo, Elvin, where the heck were you??), so there was a newcomer, a lousy newcomer, I might say, to replace his part. I can't say he was that experienced in singing; he was only partially good, and that was it. Let me emphasize one thing: being GOOD doesn't mean that you're EXPERIENCED. Like, yeah I know yesterday was an emergency, but I personally thought that three Tenors were still good enough without the prerence of the substitute! And you know what, the worst thing I RESENTED from him was that he kept on complaining about silly things, commenting about the vocals and stuff, while in my opinion he was the one who kept making obvious mistakes for all to hear! Aaaargh… who can stand a person like that, huh? Hey, no offense, but, okay, this is the deal: Who the hell are you?? Please, have a ponder on that.
The rest of the recording went quite smoothly. I got a chance to get to know my partners better, managed to perform my best in doing the record, one thing I couldn't do last week, and even got to horse around with my new friends there! In short, yesterday was FUN. BLOODY FUN. Tiring, yeah, but fun nevertheless. And Stefanus, Rere, Bonar and I had somehow sensed that something romantic (oooohh!!) is going on between Dwi and a certain preeteen girl… Aheeemmm!!! Let's wait until next week and see what happens, okay, fellas? Hahahaha ^^
Okay. Back to the exhausting thing. Like, I was soooooooooooooo damn tired after the recording that I immediately went to bed first thing I was done with my stuff at home. Wanna know the result? Sigh… I woke up this morning (which is just now) with a fever and no voice! Oh my god, somebody help me!!
But I guess this is worth the pain. After all, this all is going to be a bunch of precious memories, right? ^^
Some shout-outs, as usual… Firstly, for my "gebetan to be" I mentioned in my previous entries… I think I'm beginning to really like you now *blushing deep red* hahahaha… I mean it, by the way…
To JANE, big sis, I can’t help missing you all the time these days… come back here, will ya?
And to all my new friends from the recording, luv ya all guys! It's very nice to get to know you all…
To Cici Fanny, what a JOB, Ci!! I salute you for the hard work yesterday… and what a voice as well!! BRAVO!!! ^^
And to someone special out there, you know who you are… you know what, I also miss those night moments together…
And finally, to those who read my last entry… I'm starting to get over the awful feeling I told you guys a few days ago… Maybe that was juts a part of life, I don’t know for sure… But now I'm beginning to learn how to deal with it… Be happy for me, will ya? Hahaha ^^
Okay, so here I am, in another beautifully breezy Sunday morning, with a glass of coffee at my side and my laptop screen in front of me, trying to fight back the dizzyness that's still creeping up on me… wish me luck in this brand new week, alright? Luv yah./

--balthazor66

...oh, my, god...

Okay, so here's the deal: Why does everybody seem wanting to mess up with my life??
Well, I don't mean to be rude, but, my goodness, please, guys, with all do respect, I'm already fucking GROWN UP now, alright? So can’t you just BACK UP a little so I can have some little space of my own to breathe???
In the last few days I've been questioning about all but one thing: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL AM I DOING HERE?
I don’t know where this something-stupid-called-a-syndrome thing started to get up on me. All I knew is that all of a sudden I was like waking up stuck in my own fucking disorganized world, so absorbed in my incurably burdensome routine that I didn’t even have time to take care of myself. I'm starting to feel as if what I'm trying to achieve now, of all those crazy mess I'm trying to desperately live my life in, you know, all those things I'm chasing and reaching out to are all just a big pack of rotten bullshit. Really. I mean, it all doesn’t mean anything to me in the very very least! It feels like I'm just doing all those laborious stuff out of obligation, and that's about it. I feel--EMPTY. WORTHLESS. You know, like when you don’t really have a clue of what the heck is going on in your life but you don’t actually know what causes all that to happen.
Get my point so far?
Alright, maybe I'm beating about the bush in this. Okay, in short, I'm currently wallowing in a state of HOLLOWNESS.
Bang. That's got me a bullseye, hasn't it?
Sometimes I just lock myself in my room, sitting in front of my desk, staring at another fresh page of my book with a pen in my right hand and a joint in the other. I don't know how many pages I had wasted scrambling countless angry words for nothing. I'm living like a nutter now, perhaps, if not more than that. And I'm not exagerating things here. I'm really clueless of what I'm doing so far. I mean, is it really worth the pain? You know, all those aims in life that I'm bound to achieve?
Oh. My. God.
I really don’t fucking know what to do.
Dear JANE, couz, big sis, honey… oh my god, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your last friendster message!!!! Although I haven't replied it yet (which I'm going to do straight away as soon as I posted this crap), your message really gave me such a HUGE relief! My goodness, I MISS YOU SO MUCH, BABY!!! =) I wish you could be here, by my side, giving me comforting hugs and all… miss u so much, sis…
And to another friendster-message-sender I received today, wow, what a message, dude! Phew… I really don't know what to say… I don't know whether the things you wrote in the message are of the heart or not, since you know very well I'm in no state of believing in you anymore now, but thanks anyway for all the cursing and stuff. I'm gonna explain everything, EVERYTHING, to you a.s.a.p, I promise. But not now, alright? I've got so much to deal with already…
To a special someone out there… I miss you so much right now… I'm hoping for you to appear in my dreams tonight…
To Scotty the Body, so sorry you got eliminated from American Idol… hahaha… but you did a great job, man!! Keep it up! =)
To my coach Melanie, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! My God, I've just know last Wednesday that you're still twenty-one!! Hahaha… I'm so incredibly stupid yeah I know…
To Rere, an amazing best friend throughout this hard week… I'm grateful of what you've done to me, really. Thank you so much.
And finally, to all of you guys up there who feel like having that much concern about me and what I do… I'll tell you one thing: STAY AWAY FROM MY FUCKING BUSINESS. Got it? I appreciate your concern and all, but please, I don't need help from other people until I ask for them, alright? So let me just deal with my stuff first before you guys start to interrupt, okay? I'll really appreciate that, guys, thanks… OKAY??
Phew… what an entry… I guess I'll just stop now… it’s getting late anyway, so I better get to sleep. Oh yeah, tomorrow I'll be doing the recording again (finally!!) so I hope, I REALLY hope, tomorrow can cheer me up. If it can’t do it, if SINGING can’t do it, then I don't know what else can. See yah.

--balthazor66