...about walkaway...

What do you do, when you know something's bad for you?
And you still can't let go?

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion

Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over

Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
Ahh...

My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you

It hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your lure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from...

--Walkaway, Christina Aguilera



This is my best song-of-the-week theme. Ever.
Christina Aguilera is so damn inspiring.

Have a pleasant week, everyone.
Exams are round the corner, eh? *sobs*

Luvya.

...damn!!

I so hate hypocrites.

What is the use of all those degrees and education levels and countless respect and obedience and self-recognition and so-called wisdom if you don't even know how to act and talk properly?

Like, don't you have even a tiny bit of time left between your disgustingly endless self-appraising moments just to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you're such a jerky bastard?


Gawd.
I can't believe what I just heard.

I don't really know how to react to this thing. It's creeping me out enough without you trying to be that melodramatic old crap acting as if your every move is presentable. No one needs to hear you; it's time for you to think, and actually start doing so, before you begin judging people by your own mediocre standard.

Really. I'm totally lost in my respects. For you.
You know who you are, arsehole.

And sorry for the harsh words I put in. I really need this, guys. No offense, forgive me.
Have a nice week.

...this week...

php
Three words: THIS WEEK SUCKS.

Karya ilmiah. Ulangan-ulangan. Tugas kording. Makalah Geografi. Makalah Karyawisata. Belum lagi kerjaan-kerjaan lain diluar sekolah.
Talk about your permanent brain and social damage, guys.

Anyway.
Went to the coffin-closing ceremony of Hanie's deceased dad, and felt terribly, painfully, totally touched by the whole scene. It was all so fragile, so... lost. I've never felt so incredibly shaken by a funeral with that much overflowing mixture of emotions before. It got me twisted, weak.

That funeral reminded me of one simple thing: Life is too short. Actually, unbelievably, too hurtfully short.
And it ends too quickly for us to actually say a proper goodbye to those we love most.

Then I started to wonder, what if that loss happened to me?
Gawd. Stop. Don't even wanna think about that now. Ever.

My deepest condolences to Hanie and family. May your beloved dad rest in peace. *sobs*

Mari kita semua sesekali mencoba berdoa buat dia, buat mereka, dan buat semua orang diluar sana yang ditinggal pergi oleh seseorang yang sangat dekat dalam hatinya.

God bless you all.

...updates updates!

Kadang-kadang gue berpikir kalo gue jahat banget sama blog tercinta ini.

Janjinya setelah balik dari liburan bakal update. Nyatanya? Baru sekarang sempet nulis. Blogger bodoh sih. Kalo dibuka malem-malem suka ngelag tingkat tinggi. Bukan salah gue dong kalo akhirnya gue gondok dan memutuskan buat nggak nunggu?
No wonder Sylv finally decided to move out. Selamat atas blog barunya ya, mbak! =)

/swt. Whatever lahrr. Yang penting sekarang JJ's back!! *winks*

Singkat kata, liburan kemaren itu gue berjalan-jalan bersama keluarga tercinta ke Italy dan Spain. Sempet mampir juga ke Lourdes, singgah di Milan, dan cinta mati sama duo-seksi Madrid-Barcelona. Hahahaha. Yeah, it was fun. Terutama karena dua kota terakhir bikin gue jatuh cinta banget. Mulai dari gedung-gedungnya yang classy banget, suasana kotanya yang damai, sampe orang-orangnya yang welcoming. Belum lagi citylights yang keren banget serta Bahasa Spanyol yang begitu seksi. Gawd. Tell me why I was destined to be born in Jakarta *sobs*

Yaaaaa, gitu deh.
Ngomong-ngomong tentang gitu deh, mending gue cerita-cerita aja yah.

Kondisi gue sekarang lagi aneh. Moodswings gue lagi bener-bener parah banget. Kalo kata Deya, banyak banget issues yang harus gue selesaikan dengan diri gue sendiri. Yah, memang sih. Gue sadar banget belakangan ini hidup gue sangat timpang, imbalanced. Bikin emosian lah, gampangnya. Abis gimana? Secara emang sibuk dan banyak kerjaan, I barely even have time to breathe, let alone think about other people's needs and wants.

Nilai rata-rata sementara Matematika gue masih 53 aja gitu.
Kehidupan cinta gue kacau sekacau-kacaunya. Nggantung nggak jelas gitu. Heloooo-o-o-o, stranger?!? *yells*
Dua ekor hamster gue meninggal tadi pagi. I'm mourning now. *sobs*
And, yeah, surrounding chaos is practically killing me by the minute.
Masih untung ada second family a.k.a Smukiez Choir tercinta yang selalu siap menghibur disaat-saat terburuk gue.

So is it my fault, then?
Apalagi, university application forms sudah bertebaran dimana-mana dan gue nggak tau harus bergerak kemana. Pusing. *slaps own face*
Berbahagialah kalian semua yang masa depannya sudah terjamin dan sudah jelas mau lanjutin kuliah dimana.

Well, yasuwlah. Mungkin memang minggu ini ditakdirkan untuk menjadi kurang baik buat gue.

My to-do-list this weekend:
1. Nyelesain Putri Hujan & Ksatria Malam yang udah ampir seminggu gue baca.
2. Mulai nyari-nyari koleksi lagu-lagu natal buat persiapan bulan depan. *laughs*
3. Telpon Dirly! Susah banget sih ni orang ditelponin.. Syuting melulu >_<
4. Cetak foto-foto penting yang ada di hape. Kerjaan gampang sih.
5. Nyelesain nonton ulang Desperate Housewives season 2.
6. Latihan MD!!!!! *shouts happily*

Oh iya, ada foto terbaru Smukiez Choir yang mau dipamerin nih. Maw lihat? Hahaha *digetok*

Have a splendid weekend, guys!
Gudluck buat JTe, NiNi, Cemink, dan Eca buat pemilihan ketua OSIS Selasa depan =)
Luvya all!!!