Hahaha. Funnily enough, guys, eventually I found out that after all this so-called holiday doesn’t feel like a decent holiday, not in the very least. Heck, I've got like tons of stuff to do, mostly having to do with my new hobbyistic project: being a part-time singer. Not to forget the vocal group thingy, the one thing I'm now really in the mood for. Hahaha.
But then again, funnily enough, I really don’t know how to arrange my schedule just to give me some space to leyeh-leyeh alias nyantai n enjoy da holidays while it lasts. Yeah, I know, I'm beginning to do the usual exaggerating routine, n perhaps you'll be throwing rotten tomatoes to your monitor due to another blog-reading nausea after this [Hahaha] but I can't help it. Just when I thought this holiday would finally bring me some kind of relief after one complete year of self-laboring, it turned out to be quite as bustling as it used to be back when I was still a tenth-grader, what with all those incessant singing practice n all. Enjoyable, yes, I admit that, but tiring and boring at the same time as well.
Hadoh.
Perasaan koq kayaknya gue kebanyakan ngeluh ya, guys? ^^
Anywayz… Hari ini, somehow, nggak tau kenapa, gue lagi ngerasa KANGEEEN banget ma semua orang. Well, nggak semuanya juga sehh, cuma some of them [and bloody hell how plenty they are] yang dulu sempet deket di hati. Kangen banget aja sama masa lalu gue. Kangen sama =[d'LoLLiEz bRo'z & sIs'z]= yang skarang udah kepecah-belah nggak jelas kemana gitu [Deddy Feli Ines Gaby Mario Michelle, where the heck have you guys been?!! And Ines, what's with the sudden moving out to the States thing?!?!], kangen sama ={wWw.aFtErsKooLcOmMuNiTiEs.cOm]= yang dulu semua anggotanya kompakan tiap hari ngumpul di cafeteria sampe jam lima sore, kangen sama beberapa orang yang dulu pernah, dan mungkin sekarang juga masih, jadi best-friend gue [Wildut, Yola, Albert B-B3X, Que-Que, you guys don't know how I miss you so much], kangen sama beberapa orang mantan [Ahem! Bukan CLBK looohh tapinya, cuma kangen doaaaannkk], sama someone in particular yang walaupun udah setengah mati gue coba benci tetep aja gue nggak bisa sepenuh hati benci sama dia [well, you know who you are], juga kangan sama my old skool a.k.a "playground". Phew. Kangen sama saat-saat having fun di sana, sama temen-temen yang buat gue ngerasa belong di sana, sama mereka. Nggak kerasa aja taon demi taon lewat, n skarang gue sendirian di sini, ngejalanin hidup yang somehow meaningless, gitu. Penuh dengan topeng. Kepalsuan. Dan hal-hal semu yang selalu buat gue ragu-ragu.
Is this the way I wanna live my life in?
Living a world where everybody demands to see the very best of you couldn’t be THAT bad, could it?
Well, yeah, to some people, but certainly not in my case. I'm tired. Tired of people WORRYING n EXPECTING too fuckin' much out of me. It's like they wanna see the perfect me. The one that suits their POV. Hell, I'm not that perfect, for fuck's sake. Gue cape. Sama dunia yang selalu menuntut gue buat ikut arus mereka. Buat orang-orang yang selalu menanamkan nilai-nilai yang kebenarannya semu, bahkan, penuh unsur totalitarianisme, ke dalam otak gue, cuma buat ngebuat gue sejalan dengan apa yang mereka semua mau. Gue bukan orang yang bisa manut-manut aja dicekokin sama berbagai hal-hal yang nggak gue setujuin. Gue cape. Nggak bisa ngelawan, cuma bisa marah-marah sendiri.
This is why I miss my old-self, n my old life, so damn much. Dulu, yang gue tau cuma seneng-seneng aja. Nggak peduli sama masa depan. Yang ada cuma hari ini, dan gue harus menikmati setiap harinya sebisa gue. Dulu, orang-orang juga belum care sama gue kayak sekarang. Mereka sayang sama gue, tapi nggak yang berlebihan kayak sekarang. God, my life used to be almost perfect. Really. Dan gue nggak tau apa yang tiba-tiba merubah semuanya. Kedewasaan, mungkin, like some old friends say about me [you know, the one about thegrowing up thing]. Dan yah, everybody has to get through that phase. Ngerti, ngerti banget. Tapi boleh dong kangen sama masa lalu?
Phew. Sometimes I wish I can turn back time n return to my past.
So, guys… Today I wanna remind you to enjoy your good moments while they last, and treasure them, remember them, keep them safe as good as you can, so when it's finally time for them to move on, you'll never regret what you have done.
Yah, gitu deh. Jadi buat temen-temen lamakuuuu… MISS YA HEAPS, FOLKS!!! Can’t wait to get together with you guys again…
And that concludes today's jabberings. Damn, di Istora Senayan ada pameran buku gede-gedean, n I so have to come!! Ergh.
Luv yah.
--balthazor66
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